Saturday, February 29, 2020

On the other side of silence

I have just finished a five-day silent 'retreat', staying at home and only walking where I knew I'd see no-one. Neighbours were primed to ignore me if necessary, but in fact I saw no-one for the duration. My purpose was to explore the thing itself, to think through a few issues, to renew my spiritual practice with meditation and study, and to relax deeply. The only concern was my very loving dog who is used to constant verbal communication with me and who is highly vocal himself. On a few occasions when he seemed really perturbed or frustrated by the silence, I whispered in his ear. Otherwise he soon responded swiftly to a single hand-clap or whistle. In the house I maintained silence - no radio, TV, internet or music. There was plenty of weather to listen to as it turned out, and I walked through storms on the moors and in the forests, finishing yesterday with a meditation in the pouring rain at my favourite personal outdoor space, on the rocks beside a turbulent river.
On the first day, my energies and thoughts were a bit scattered as I broke customary patterns of computer use, using the time to make notes on the first question on my list for consideration, about one aspect of my life that needs decisions. I also revisited my personal values list and thought carefully about their relevance to the choices I must make. On my two walks I kept very much in the moment - no emails to think about or anticipate - and struck up acquaintance with two trees of powerful character that I have passed a hundred times before without looking or listening attentively. This was something precious in the way of connection that repeated as the week went on.
I also read a lot - Greek myths, a book on extending paganism beyond the superficial - meditated and used various methods of divination on the question of the day. I was very tired at the end of this first day, but had concentrated throughout almost effortlessly, as all distraction was off the table.
Too much happened to detail each day of the 'retreat' and some of it was far too intimate and extraordinary to write on a public blog, but moments of spiritual intensity and meaningful communication were not lacking. I read a powerful book about ritual and an academic history of paganism. I wrote the preface of my new novel and conceived an ambitious new writing project that would change the whole focus of my work if it turns out well. I made a couple of decisions that have been difficult to resolve in recent months and felt all my thinking clear and sharp from the second day. Some personal issues simply resolved themselves in the course of the week without special attention.
There was no problem whatsoever with the silence, no desire to break it or to communicate with any of my human connections. I slept long hours and by the last day my body was just about catching up with everything and relaxing in the space and silence that filled the house in a resounding way. I recommend the practice to anyone seeking clarity or peaceful development and would love to hear the experiences of others.

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